Domestic Violence is the abuse of a spouse physically, emotionally and/ or sexually. It is one of those issues that numerous couples face on a daily basis. In most of the cases, it is the emotional abuse that is quite prevalent, but sexual abuse and physical abuse does not lag far behind. Beating one’s spouse with sticks, shoes, whip, slapping or pushing against a wall or sexually assaulting them or a combination of physical and sexual abuse is quite growing. Domestic abuse is more of a way to vent out the inner emotions and anger; while emotional abuse includes, humiliating, verbal abuse, threats, accusations of infidelity, control of finances and social isolation by one of the spouses.
So, what are the common myths surrounding domestic violence?
1. Domestic violence is not a problem in my community: Everywhere, we repeat everywhere there are people who are abused. Every 10 minutes, someone is abused at any given point in a country, state or a community.
2. Some people deserve to be hit. Do they? No one deserves to be abused. No matter how grave a mistake they committed.
3. Alcohol, drug abuse, stress, and mental illness cause domestic violence. These are just the EXCUSES for domestic violence. They might go along with domestic violence but they are NOT the causes for abuse.
4. Domestic violence is a personal problem between a husband and a wife. Domestic violence is everybody’s business. It is not between a couple or parents and children. If you happen to come across an abuse in your neighbourhood, then INTERVENE!
Abuse, especially emotional abuse, may happen in any given relationship. Even if it healthy and happy relationship. Depending on the relationship, the abuse may be constant, often, or quite rare. It all occurs in a cycle- called the cycle of abuse. Where an abuse takes place after tensions and stress that builds up in the course of time, which later leads to a reconciliatory state after guilt and then slowly the “honeymoon” phase returns . . . which is again the calm state, the silence before the tensions start building up gradually.
You have been abused or violated if:
You have been pushed, hit, slapped, kicked, or bit by your partner
You have been threatened to get you to do something.
You partners threatens suicide or use a weapon against you
They keep or take your pay-check
puts you down or makes you feel bad and humiliated
forcing sex or other sexual acts you do not want or like
keeping you isolated from friends, family or colleagues
One thing that you have to remember is that Abuse is Never a One-Time Event
Have a look at the “Violence Wheel” , that shows the relationship between the types of abuse
For instance, When one is abused, people often advise them to leave. But is it that simple? Is leaving your abusive partner as easy as it is to advise? Most of the victims, do wish to leave, but they cannot- because there are numerous factors that prevent them from leaving.
Emotional Factors:
belief that the abusive partner will change for better
fear of making major changes
fear of the abuser who threatens suicide or murder
feeling helpless, hopeless and trapped
feeling partially responsible for the abuse
guilt over the failure of the relationship
lack of emotional support
Situational Factors:
cultural or religious constraints
economic dependence
fear of emotional damage to the children
fear of physical harm
lack of alternative housing
lack of information regarding domestic violence resources
lack of job skills or confidence
social isolation
Talking and having an awareness of the NGOs that help one in need is one of the solutions. Other solution is to lean on trusted friends and parents and siblings. They will definitely go out of their way to help you out.
Domestic Violence is not sudden or one time event. It builds up gradually and only thing you can do is to look after warning signs.
By: Archa Dave
