India is a country where almost 80% of marriages are arranged. Girls still prefer marrying the guy chosen by her parents. Every girl dreams for the guy who would give her the butterflies in stomach and going weak in the knees feeling in the first meeting. More accurately put, they crave the feeling of “Love at first sight”, However practical the girl maybe- She does crave this.
Now, if you prefer an arranged marriage, you will have to keep these things in mind as your parents will be the one who will filter the prospective grooms first.
1. Speak to your parents about the qualities you want in the guy. Compare your “notes”/ qualities with your parents. Having at-least few common grounds is essential as they might have few set of priorities set for your husband who would sweep their Baby-princess of her feet.
2. Give your parents the benefit of the doubt. They are experienced, hence they would have a better and practical view on many things that a guy should have before they reach a conclusion. Trust them never to go wrong while chasing someone for you. You might be wrong in choosing someone for yourself (hence, previous breakups) but they wouldn’t.
3. Let your parents do the basic filtering on various platforms, don’t interfere, but do involve yourself, but not overtly.
4. Do speak to your parents about your feelings honestly and clearly when you are first shown the guy’s photo and his bio-data. This is important as that would give them a clue on how to proceed.
5. Do “Stalk” him on social platforms- but do not go obsessive on checking him out every hour or so- Just to get to know him as social networking sites do reveal a lot about a person.
Generally, both sets of parents would speak to their children and then decide whether to meet or not. Your kundalis and horoscopes would be matched and if you both stay in different cities or states or countries, you would normally first contact via mails and would start stalking each other – stage 2 *winks* then comes the most anticipated phone call. This is when you can judge whether or not you want to go a step ahead in this relationship. A person will definitely speak sweetly and humbly in the first call, but you can decide this on yourself whether he was faking his sweetness and humility or was being real. Use your intuition. A woman’s intuition is very strong and reaches its peak point while going blind.
When everything is set and both you and the guy and your parents are convinced that you both are the “prospective couple” then they go ahead with the meeting. Generally meeting is scheduled only when one is positive that the final answer is yes. Meeting is just a formality for the final and official approval.
When you meet the guy being nervous is perfectly normal as he is stranger and you would have to think whether or not he is THE ONE for you. Conversation to Have when Meeting the “Prospective” Groom
So, you guys meet and after the clichéd tea-snacks and your parents bragging about your cooking abilities (which could be true or a lie) and your education, you guys are allowed to talk to each other for about 30 minutes to decide- Here comes the nervousness and shyness. You both are shy and hardly know what to talk even though you have done tonnes of research on each other (stalking, but why admit that?) Here are the things that you should talk to each other and evaluate when meeting.
1. Guys generally have to break the guys- that’s the “tradition” but if the guy is too shy you can try breaking the same- that’s isn’t wrong and it will only portray you as being confident which incidentally also brings out the real you.
2. Ask about his hobbies and interests:
You probably have read about his hobbies on his Facebook, stalked him on Twitter and Instagram (if his account isn’t private”. But still, ask. This is a great way to break the ice and keep the conversation moving ahead. But, be cautious and don’t admit that you have stalked him, he might have stalked you too, but this discussion is kept for later stages and not the first step.
3. You being a career-oriented:
Girls, I know that you need to “ask” him, BUT please, at this age of feminism and you being independent, you DON’T need his permission to work after the marriage. Simply ask whether he wants a career-oriented wife or not. And if he says no, then you can bid him goodbye. No one should dictate you as to what you have to do in your career (Maybe, except your boss). Girls, remember Farhan Akhtar’s dialogue to Rahul Bose in DDD *Winks*- You have your answer.
4. Time is precious: Don’t waste your time asking small details like what kind of movies you watch or what music do you listen to. These are small details do not/ should not influence your decision to accept or reject that person.
You both can have different tastes in music, movies, and hobbies. Think of these differences as a chance to learn new things with each other’s support.
5. Look- out for the qualities you want in your life partner:
By this time you would have a fair idea as to what you are looking for in a guy with whom you will be spending you entire life with. Don’t ask him from the check list or even ask what he is looking out for. This isn’t a shopping for God’s sakes. It’s about your life. You have to look out for those qualities in his behaviour, attitude and the way he talks or holds the conversations.
6. Career goals and life plans:
After you are sure of him, then discuss on your career goals and life plans. Career goals might be different if you both are in different fields, but you both should share a common life plan. You might have common life plans when you meet, but this is where compromise comes. Marriage increases the responsibilities and financial expenditure. You should have this conversation and see the points you both agree upon are and whether you both are ready to compromise on few aspects. As this what will affect both your lives. It all depends on the mutual understanding and trust. This is where the foundation of your relationship and marriage lies.
7. Expectations from a life partner:
No, we are not talking about the qualities but rather the expectations. His expectations with you as a wife or him as your husband. Your responsibilities towards his family and his towards yours. Make sure not to make this into a heated conversation and try maintaining it serious bordering on casual.
8. About his family’s Religious and spirituality:
You may be an atheist or have a practical belief of religion. It’s always good to know about his family’s beliefs as that let you know the amount of adjustment you will have to go through.
9. Go with your intuition: Your intuition is the best judge for yourself. It gets heightened when you are not sure of something. Rely on your intuition to guide you through this and yes, SPEAK to your parents or married siblings and then decide what you want.
By: Archa Dave
